How are you Really doing?


How YOU doing?

In my Wendy Williams voice! Seriously, I really want to know how you’re doing mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically… YOU even know? It’s so difficult to look in that mirror and be honest with ourselves about who and how we really are. How do I know this? Every time we greet someone and they ask, “Hello, how are you?” What do we always say? “I’m good, how are you?” But are we really good? Have we even taken the precious time to address this question with ourselves? Do we even put our own well being at a level of importance?

Trust me I understand. I’m a mom, a wife, a daughter etc. We’ve conditioned ourselves to care about everything else beside ourselves because we’ve been taught that it’s selfish to think of ourselves in any other position besides at the bottom of the list. But think; if you yourself aren’t healthy mentally, emotionally, and physically; don’t you think that every action you take will be effected by your unhealthiness? For example: you’ve been upset about something for some reason (we’ll get back to that) and you get up in the morning, you don’t say good morning to your husband/wife, so now your spouse is going to be thinking all day, what’s wrong with my person, even if they don’t ask. You get in your car you drive to work and nothing on the radio makes you laugh because you’re just in a bad mood today. You walk into the workplace and you might give everyone a dry “hey”, because you know, they know, you’re not a morning person. You hardly talk to your coworkers throughout the day and you’re dry with all of your customers. No biggie. Why, because no one says a word to you about your not-so-pleasant attitude. You get off of work, you’re even more mad because you actually have to drive home in rush hour traffic. You get home see the husband, see the kids, and think the entire time how much you cannot wait to hit those sheets. You cook dinner and you mess it up and it doesn’t taste as good but oh well they better eat it anyway! You watch TV, check your social media, and hit those beloved sheets. Sounds like a typical day right? But let’s reconsider this day from everyone else’s perspective.

Husband wakes up thinking ok back to the grind I’ve got to take care of the family. Hmm, wife didn’t say good morning, I wonder what’s up. He thinks about what it could be so much, he begins to reason IT’S HIM! He’s somehow done something to you and he’s mad that you’re giving him the silent treatment and decides he’ll give it right back! Hmph! The coworker that sits next to you, picks up on your dry hello and the distance you’ve been giving everyone throughout the day and determines in her mind, you have a problem with her and she hasn’t given you a single reason to. She needs to discuss this with Carol, because Carol knows everyone’s business and might know what your deal is. Now Carol has joined the group of “what the heck is wrong with her”. The kids are home from school and are waiting to talk your ear off about their day. But you halfway listen; because all you’re thinking about is what upset you and when you can hit those sheets. The kids are thinking, what is wrong with mom? Did I do something wrong, is she mad at me?

In less than 24 hours your attitude and actions have set off a chain reaction of emotions in everyone around you, including the dinner! Now of course in real life it might not have gone EXACTLY that way. But can you deny that you yourself have also been affected by another person’s attitude and mood, perhaps your spouse or your co-worker, in a similar way? When you were a child, did you ever think that your parents’ unhappiness was somehow your fault? How about the reason you were in a bad mood to begin with? Let’s say the reason was your mom was having a bad day and she lashed out at you about a decision you and your family made that she doesn’t agree with because your mom also hasn’t been caring for her own emotional well-being. This highly upset you, but you told yourself, you’ll just put it out of your mind, have a glass of wine and keep it moving, except you didn’t put it out of your mind, you let it fester, you didn’t take care of YOURSELF.

THE ENERGY YOU PUT OUT WILL COME BACK TEN FOLD! I truly believe this! I have experienced this! If you take the time to LOVE YOURSELF, not only will it benefit you, it will positively affect the other people around you. MAKE TIME TO CARE FOR YOUR WELL-BEING.

negative feelings

Be the start of a positive chain reaction! Smile at the people you greet! And if you aren’t feeling well it’s ok to say I don’t feel good today. There are times when someone will ask me, how you doing? And I say, “I’m regular”. Lol, it’s true I do! But this gives me an opportunity to confront how I’m really doing. By being honest with myself and everyone else, I can actually confront and resolve what’s bothering me, or what’s making me happy! Resolve what’s concerning you and expound on what’s making you happy. But you first must be honest about it. Every interaction is a chain reaction. It’s time we take responsibility for how we affect the world and the people in it instead of constantly pointing the finger like children saying “well they started it first”. Well how about you finish it…..on a positive note! We have to always keep in mind how our energy is affecting everyone else.

We as individuals can carry an energy about us that sends a message that could garner a response or reaction that we don’t actually want from people. For instance, there is a movement that suggests that women should be able to dress as provocatively as they want and not be judged in any way shape or form that suggests a provocative nature. But what happens? The observer automatically thinks this woman wants sex because she is dressed for sex, so she must want people to “ask her for sex”. Let’s say 50% of the time that’s not even close to being true about that woman, but 99% of the time that’s what people think. And 50% of those women are going to get upset that they were approached for sex. That number increases if she is in a place of business where people frequently go to seek out sexual partners! Are you following me? Lady, you can’t go to the club with your T&A hanging out and not be approached for sex! It sounds like common sense right?! But this is just a basic example of a person not taking responsibility for the energy they put forth into the atmosphere. Now rapists and narcissistic men do not count in this discussion. That’s another topic. Another example, a woman is single and looking for a good guy that just wants to settle down and have a family and treat her good with love, kindness and understanding. This same woman calls herself and her friends a B**** on a regular basis. Goes to the club half naked looking for said “good guy” and later that week gets on Instagram to complain about how “ain’t no good men out here” after her 1 night stand didn’t work out. Now wait before you start to judge me, oh yes I definitely dress sexy for my husband, at the right time and right places, because there are times when I want that energy all up in the air around my man! But ladies if you don’t want a man to only think of sex when he sees you, YOU have to take responsibility for the energy that you put forth to that man.

We also have to ask ourselves WHY are we putting forth the energy that we’re giving? Is it because it’s genuine? Is it because we are insecure? Is it because we don’t know what else to do to get the result we’re looking for? These are the questions we must always ask ourselves before we make an action. How are we REALLY doing? Take care of yourself! Love yourself. Make your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health of high importance in your life! Because remember, How you REALLY feel and who you REALLY are, no matter what you tell yourself, is what will actually affect your life and the people around you.

 Please feel free to comment below if you have something to add, agree or disagree with. I love you and I want to know how you’re really doing.



20 thoughts on “How are you Really doing?

  1. Society forces us to say we’re OK even when we’re not. I feel like it’s almost rude to tell the truth about your feelings in professional situations. People hide behind there insecurities and pretend to have the perfect lives. Everyone carries on like folks from ‘wayward pines’ , and those of us who dare to be real get ostracized and socially removed from society. I wonder if it will ever be a time when living your truth in public becomes acceptable by society as whole.


    • I agree and i think people care too much what others think of them as well which is where alot of people’s insecure actions come from. I’m with you and I hope that changes!


  2. I agree with what you said. We have to be real about how we are feeling, even to the point of saying “I’m just really not in the best of moods today” because then the people you interact with may understand.
    At times, it does seem like people want to dismiss your feelings, so as a protection, you may decide not to say how you’re feeling. But that just adds to the problem.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Very valid point! Definitely, need to take stock of how well we are doing. Yearly, businesses always take stock in what has happened over the past year. Whether they are meeting goals or not. Taking stock of ourselves is also a must if we are to be an example before others. Great reminder.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I LOVE this! I’m glad you wrote this, I really needed to read this right now, I’ve kinda been stuck on rut the last 2 weeks and reading this has really lifted my spirits. My husband is working several hours away, so we only get to see each other on weekends at the moment. I agree, we always put others first; their health, their happiness etc. I do find myself doing this. But I’m sure that people who really care for me, do this for me too.

    When reading the bit about how other people may have perceived you, a certain saying came to mind…. ‘we judge ourselves by our intentions, others judge us by our actions’. I try to live with this thought in mind, but it’s not always easy.

    P.s. My name is Carol, so I just loled when I read that.


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